During the Second World War, British traitor William Joyce, also known as Lord Haw-Haw, would broadcast daily bulletins from Germany to the British Isles, gleefully giving widely exaggerated figures of British casualties, numbers of planes shot down, of troops captured, and any other propaganda that could be conceived to destroy morale and make the German war machine appear invincible.

His cocky, conceited and mocking broadcasts while infuriating to the British, actually did very little to lower morale.

On April 30^th 1945, around the same time that Hitler was killing himself, it was a very much more contrite and clearly drunk Lord Haw-Haw who dolefully made his last broadcast even as Russian troops were invading Berlin and much of it lay in ruins.

Apologetically, he explained to anyone who would listen that all he had tried to do throughout the war was bring Britain and Germany together to figure out a way for peace, and that the real threat was the Red Army.

Feeling very sorry for himself, his last words on air before fleeing Berlin for North Germany were ‘You may not hear from me for a few months. Heil Hitler , Ich liebe Deutsch.’ (I love Germany) and Farewell. He was arrested within three days and hung for treason on January 3^rd 1946.

Being a traitor is one of the most serious crimes, and yet remarkably, the male sexual organs can be routinely treacherous to their owner at the most inconvenient times – when trying to impress a lover with his sexual prowess. Premature ejaculation troubles up to 65% of men.

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Like many a gweilo before him, Miller had come to Shanghai in the relentless pursuit of money. He had developed a so called male natural enhancement device which he claimed could grow a man’s penis by up to four inches in two months. Whether or not the claims were true were of as little consequence to him as they were to the factory that would receive the manufacturing contract. For some it might work, for most it would definitely not. It really didn’t matter, so long as the product made a heap of quick cash. The male natural enhancement racket was the hottest game in town, and already his team were bombarding millions of email addresses with their brash claims of incredible penis growth.

Miller sat at the small bar in the street behind his hotel and downed his fourth vodka in a single gulp. He paid no heed to a hooded China man that slunk past and took a seat directly behind him. They all looked the same to Miller.

He held the colorless fluid of his fifth vodka up to the light and inspected the clarity. He smiled as he reflected upon how smart he was; a real man of the world. Not yet two hours ago he had lured a cute young Chinese girl off the streets and into his room. Miller liked to play rough in bed. He had slapped her about a little, ok a lot, but hey, she wouldn’t be writing any letters of complaint about the size of his penis. No way. And besides, she had been well compensated with $20 and a Pepsi.

He had just downed the sixth vodka when a knife planted itself in the bar counter right next to him; the blade glinted menacingly in the light as it swayed from side to side. Miller dropped his shot glass and stared at the blade in startled disbelief.

“Take good look” said the China man behind him. “It will change your destiny.” Before Miller could react, the China man was at the counter and had retrieved the blade. He forcefully scooped Miller off his bar stool and out of the door. Once outside, accomplices hurriedly dragged the confused and soused Miller to a deserted backstreet.

The men held him down as the China man slashed open Miller’s black pants and underwear. Miller was kicking and trying to scream as a hand clamped round his mouth. His eyes bulged with terror.

“My sister say look for red-hair sei gweilo *with pouch on his neck and big penis in his pocket.” With a single swish of the silvery blade , the China man held Miller’s severed penis in his hand.

“This for my sister” said the China man, placing the pallid shrunken penis in a transparent ziploc bag. “This for me.” He snatched the pouch from around Miller’s neck. It contained the USB data file with the blueprint for the male natural enhancement device.

“Welcome to Shanghai!”  He and his four friends fast disappeared into the night, leaving the screaming, bleeding Miller without a penis and without a plan.

*sei gweilo = ‘dead ghost man’ or bad white man